!dadjokes@lemmy.world
Update 2025-9-11: If you cannot tell this joke to a 5-year-old and they would understand, you should probably post it to the this community: !unclejokes@lemmy.world. Please message me if you think it could be different.
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Had to tell my dog he was adopted.
I realized then maybe I used a little to much dirt.
I knew she was Tolkien in her sleep
She asked if I’d eat yesterday’s leftovers. I said yes.
ASAP’s Fables
the most remarkable.
he said for the hallabit
They tried to fix the server.
Because seeing is bee leaving.
He’s an eightheist….
I said “No way!” So I tossed in another quarter. I’ll reach in for 50 cents.
There’s been a lot on my plate lately…
I asked for 120/80 blood pressure
It was a full house.
It’s my signature joke.
They haven’t caught me yet, but the thyme is cumin.
So I turned it into wine
cross-posted from: https://reddthat.com/post/66701198
Take out …
The genie replied, “Weurd wush… but U wull grant ut.”
I’ll circle back later
But connect the dots is where I draw the line.
“It’s hard to keep track! "
… it’s enticing!
Stephen
They’re a product I can stand behind
Sign language
Woman on ground: “How long will the ambulance be?”
A tinnnnn hutttttt!
And that they are the centaur of my universe…
It was quite the ore-deal!
It comes with ALDI king’s horses and ALDI king’s men.
Because even when they have no lives left they still have nein!
Waah-Waaah !!!!!
It’s the best thing for a hot dog.
Ground beef.
Stationary!
“Guess it’s time to water-ma-lawn.”
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/69349641
Police think it was poachers
One bean more, and it’ll be too farty.
But I was told it’s forbidden
It didn’t wok
Because he couldn’t log on!
You don’t. You get down from a duck.
Please add more. Feel free to add yordor.
I saw it coming from a kilometer away!
cross-posted from: https://reddthat.com/post/65943659
“Okay, I’ll come back then”
-Syu ramen
They’re through the roof!
But I had an onion ring once.
Knock knock.
no one’s heard them before.
I said “No, a regular one”
Unfortunately I must confess that it’s true …
I’m after you now.
But John came fifth, and received a toaster.
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/46848864
Now she won’t play Scrabble with me
Hospice
Me: actually I would like something to eat …
I have only my shelf to blame
We were on the hwy passing a sign that had the next town ….. “Plover, 2 miles”
They called it Formaldejekyll.
The gurney is level!
A hob-byte.
They lost.
He was too far out!
It makes scents when you think about it….
Those companies were all found to be pyramid schemes!
But now Frank finally admits he was in the Nile .
The pedals
They have two left feet
Well first someone would need to put a bank inside a whale…
A Meatball.
He said “Sure, knock yourself out”
I was stunned ⚡️⚡️
I got it at a yard sale
On the second night the attendant tried pointing to me my seat. But I cut them off and said: “its ok, this isn’t my first rodeo”
What do you call an angry carrot?
A little plaque!
all you hear is udder silence.
Local votes are a bit more private.
Default mode: public.
hyper2
loopy
The Picard Maneuver
64bithero
Tug
RegularJoe
Admiral Patrick
nexguy
slothrop
gigastasio
gedaliyah
Hatshepsut
𝕾𝖕𝖎𝖈𝖞 𝕿𝖚𝖓𝖆
qualia
FenrirIII
Susaga
𝜯𝐞𝐡 𝜝𝐚𝐦𝐬𝐤𝐢
Iced Raktajino
Jerb322
dohpaz42
